ON – “The Official Punk Rock Book of Lists”

Go on. Admit it. You’re dying to know some of the most obscure and random facts in the history of punk rock. You’re one of the curious who has in depth conversations at parties about which punk rocker died while having sex. Or maybe you’re that guy who wonders about what kind of pizza Mario Batali from The Food Network would recommend to compliment the New York Dolls. You know you’re that guy. Just denying it and embrace the newest offering from the acclaimed (and successful) “Book of Lists” series, “The Official Punk Rock Book of Lists.”

That’s right, co-authors Amy Wallace and punk rocker “Handsome” Dick Manitoba, former frontman for 70s punk act The Dictators, have put together the latest group of lists all about punkn rock.  The book is full of great lists like, “6 Great Moments in Puking,” “12 Dudes Who Wore Dresses Onstage,” “4 Punks Who Had Sex on Stage,” and even “Debbie Harry’s List of ‘People I’d Like to Fuck.’” Sounds like a hit to us. As a matter of fact we’re running out to the store right now to check out some other lists including, “101 Ridiculous Punk Rock Names” (which I’m sure your author’f former band, The Sheep Incident, is surely on), “10 Punk Songs that Are Nowhere Near As Offensive as They Seem,” and yes, there’s even a list of the biggest punk rock schlongs. Yup. A classic. 

“The Official Punk Rock Book of Lists” is available from Backbeat Books ($16.95).
OFF – Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve

We can’t take jabs at Dick Clark. After all, here’s a guy who suffered a stroke, has difficulty speaking but is apparently as sharp as a tack whose been replaced by snot-nosed jerk Ryan Seacrest. And even though Seacrest (who has died his hair and bears an uncanny resemblance to Clark) does his best to keep Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve alive, at this point, it seems frutile. New Year’s Rockin’ Eve doesn’t rock so much as it flops. This year’s event just proves this point even further.

Dare we ask who was invited to “rock” the New Year in with Clark and Seacrest? Well, well, well, if you said musicians who rock you are sorely mistaken. Instead, executive producer Seacrest and his gang of retards sought out only the finest in musical talent nabbing Hannah Montana herself, Miley Cyrus, tween hearthrobs the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Akon, Natasha Beddingfield, Sean Kingston (who?), OneRepublic (again, who?) Plain White T’s, will.i.am,  American Idol’s Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift.

And because we were just overcome with the excitement of it all *cough, cough*, we tuned in and made a fascinating discovery – Miley Cyrus CANNOT SING TO SAVE HER LIFE! At all. She’s terrible. A word to all the parents out there: stop dishing out hundreds if not thousands of dollars so your children can see a Hannah Montana concert. If you value your child’s hearing at all, you will stop this ridiculousness right this instant. And while we’d love to say that we couldn’t find a single enjoyable moment in her performance, that would be untrue. We found ourselves applauding when she stopped singing only because she had finally stopped singing.

Adding to this cacophony from hell, puberty is going to suck for the Jonas Brothers. Not only are they a less girly version of Hanson but eventually their voices are going to change and yes, it is possible that they will become worse. Their perfomance had us longing for the days when Christina Aguilera mucked up the stage.

Perhaps it’s time to rename this famous yearly event. Dick Clark isn’t hosting it. It certainly doesn’t rock. A more appropriate name might be: Something to Heckle While You Wait for the Ball to Drop!

STANDBY – Noise Pop’s 16th Anniversary

It seems strange for us to include a regional music festival in our international blog but San Francisco’s Noise Pop Festival stands out as one of the premiere indie music festivals in the world. What other festival can lay claims to the fact that bands like Modest Mouse, Death Cab for Cutie, the White Strips, Bright eyes, The Donnas, Rilo Kiley, and Jimmy Eat World as festival alums? Last year alone the festival’s 15th anniversary attracted well-known indie acts Ted Leo & The Pharmacists, Cake, The Donnas, The Dandy Warhols,and Sebadoh along with numerous other acts. So far, this year’s festival leaves us wondering whether the 16th anniversary will live up festivals of days gone by.

So far, the list of performers is sparse and a few bands from previous years have returned but what is lacking is the “big name” drawing power that some of last year’s performers carried. And with the festival just a little more than a month away (the festival kicks off Feb. 26 and runs through March 2) we can only hope that more bands will confirm or this may be the year that there’s nothing but silence at this festival.